Archive for October, 2008

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Developing an Attitude of Abundance

Wednesday, October 8th, 2008

In another newsletter we talked about being aware of whether we have a mindset of scarcity or of abundance. How can we switch from a scarcity mindset to one of abundance?

One key is to recognize opportunities. Here’s a story that illustrates this. Once there was a fisherman who caught a large fish. Bringing out his ruler, the man measured his catch: twenty inches. The man threw the fish back. Soon after, his rod wiggled again. This fish measured only five inches and the fisherman dropped it into his bucket. And so it went. The fisherman kept every fish under twelve inches and threw back every fish of greater size. Finally, a nearby fisherman could no longer hide his disbelief. “You keep throwing back the fish larger than twelve inches,” he said. “Why the heck are you doing that?” “It’s real simple,” the man answered. “My wife only has a twelve-inch frying pan.”

This is a silly story, but it shows how some of us think. We often don’t recognize great opportunities when they land at our feet. Such opportunities must be “too good to be true,” illegal, or scams at best. But if an opportunity does present itself, research it. If the opportunity looks legitimate, go for it!

Hanging out with wealthy people is another way to increase your abundance consciousness. For one thing, you can learn how they think and by their example. They have connections with experts that you don’t have; they know the experts. Wealthy people also have the money to finance your ideas and they have ideas they don’t have time to get to.

An illustration of a third principle, pushing against your comfort zone, is discussed in chapter 8 of my book When Good Intentions Run Smack into Reality. Several years ago Rance Masheck, a friend of mine, needed to move. One apartment he was considering cost $800.00/month, the same amount he was presently paying. Another apartment cost $1,200/month. Rance called to ask my advice. I told him that his choice depended on how each apartment influenced him. The less expensive apartment wasn’t in a very good neighborhood and Rance didn’t feel comfortable in it. But he was excited about the more expensive apartment. He felt good in it. My advice was this: Rance couldn’t afford not to take the $1,200/month apartment.

For some, the less expensive apartment wouldn’t have had the impact that it did on Rance. Renting the more expensive apartment was a stretch for Rance financially, but he needed to push against his comfort zone. The $1,200/month apartment gave a message to his subconscious that helped him along the road to the success that he desired. Ten years later Rance owns the third largest stock seminar company in the world and owns a house worth over one million dollars. Now, I’m not encouraging people to go out and buy just anything! But I am saying that “going for it” will often make you feel uncomfortable because it pushes against your belief systems. We shouldn’t reject something just because it’s outside our frying pans.

Going for new opportunities, learning from others with an abundance mentality and pushing against our belief systems are all ways to help us expand into an attitude of abundance.

by Brian Klemmer

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Increase Your Intention Through Visualization

Wednesday, October 8th, 2008

In our last newsletter we talked about making commitments in order to raise the level of intention and reach our goals. Another way of increasing intention is visualization. If you doubt the power of visualization to do this, then go to a car lot and stare at your dream car. It will not take long before a sales person comes out and asks, “Can you see yourself driving this car?”

Now tell him “No,” even though you want the car! Most likely the salesperson will simply go back inside without further conversation. Why? Because he knows that if you can’t SEE yourself driving the automobile, then you don’t have a very high intention toward purchasing it. If only one bank tells you that your finances don’t qualify you, then you will most likely give up and go home.

Now, respond to another salesperson with a positive “Yes, but I can’t afford it.” He will become animated and say, “Let’s get in the car for a test drive.”

Why? Because he knows that affording the automobile is a mechanism. How many mechanisms are there for any intention? There are an infinite number. The car salesman is not concerned about the mechanism; neither should you be. Yes, some mechanisms are easier to use than others, some are illegal, and there are others that, for a variety of reasons, you don’t want to use. But if there are infinite mechanisms, then there are plenty of good ones for you to use. (Read the exercise on mechanisms in chapter two of If How-To’s Were Enough We Would All Be Skinny, Rich and Happy.)

If you go for the test drive, then your subconscious will say to you, “You have to have this car! Try this, try that.” Mechanisms will come to your conscious mind from the subconscious regarding how to finance this car. If you don’t purchase the car, then your subconscious changes your work ethic when you go back to your job. Your tone of voice and the words you communicate will reflect your intent and help create the additional money needed to finance the car. This is using visualization to raise your intent.

This year, take a goal you have and find a way to touch it consistently. While raising funds for a building project, I took weekly walks on the land we wanted to build on. Drawings of the project were created before any money was raised, and we constantly looked at them. In addition, I actually took time to mentally picture the grand opening of the building and of people using the completed structure. All these raised my intent.

Remember that your subconscious is already seeing a picture of the current reality, so to achieve your goal you must combat that image. Set up something, such as the weekly walk on the land or touching that car of your dreams, to serve this purpose. Or, create a psychological trigger device. This can be something such as a red dot on the face of your watch that reminds you to visualize your achieved goal every time you look at your watch. Take time now to think of ways to use visualization as a means to increase your intention and realize your dreams.

by Brian Klemmer

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The Art of Accountability Without Judgment

Wednesday, October 8th, 2008

Do you shy away from holding people accountable because you’re afraid of offending them? Here are three ways to get past that fear.

The first method is to roll up your sleeves and own part of the problem, as well as the solution. For instance, if one of our facilitators waits until the last minute to make his flight reservations — resulting in doubled costs — I could react with anger and accuse him of wasting money. The result? He would feel judged, might become defensive and come up with excuses as to why he waited until the last minute. But instead, I could say that at the root of this problem there must be something about being a facilitator that I don’t understand. I could offer to work with him in developing a feedback system so that he will book travel in a timely manner, and then we could come up with a solution together. This openness is possible because he feels I’m owning part of the problem. And even though he’s being held accountable, he doesn’t feel judged.

Another way to hold someone accountable without being in judgment is to develop code words with the people you have regular interactions with. I find that code words communicate feedback without creating defensiveness. One of our facilitators has a code word she uses when she feels I’m not hearing her. Being from Canada, she says, “Canada rules.” Because of our predetermined code word, I am able to recognize how she feels. Even if she responsibly said, “My experience right now is that I don’t feel heard,” it would be harder to take than a gentle code-word-reminder. For more on the use of code words, see my book, “If How-To’s Were Enough We Would All Be Skinny, Rich and Happy.”

A third means of holding others accountable without judgment is to use a communication technique, called promise and request. You may remember this tool from the Klemmer Advanced Leadership Seminar. When communicating we often deal in generalities, especially with our spouses. But if we make clear requests and receive a clear promise in response, then accountability is more likely to take place. For instance, if someone needs an hour of my time once a month to complete a project, they might say, “Brian, I will call your secretary to set up an hour appointment once a month. Will that work for you?” Then I will respond with a yes or no. That is holding me accountable.

In addition to these three methods for holding others accountable, it is also helpful to notice our response when we are held accountable. Even if another person approaches a problem without judgment, there’s still the possibility that we may feel defensive. But if we can respond without judgment ourselves, i.e. consider the problem with neutrality and not take it personally, then we further the whole non-judgment process.

Using these techniques will improve your communication and help you develop the ability to hold others accountable without judgment.

by Brian Klemmer

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Accountability Without Judgment

Wednesday, October 8th, 2008

Recently I was hired to speak at a meeting in Los Angeles. The woman who organized this function was supposed to recruit two hundred attendees, but there were only fifty. At lunchtime she apologized profusely and I responded by telling her not to feel bad. I tried to relieve her guilt. Then I realized that while I succeeded in relieving her guilt, I wasn’t helping her to do her best. I wasn’t holding her accountable.

According to Webster’s dictionary, the word accountable means “subject to giving an account, answerable.” It’s neither good nor bad, and that’s why it’s done without judgment. Many of us find it difficult to hold others or ourselves accountable. Either we shy away from it completely or when we do hold someone accountable, we do it with judgment. But it is possible to learn how to hold others accountable without judgment. In order to do so, it’s helpful, first, to become aware of four ways we let others and ourselves off the accountability hook.

One way to avoid accountability is by not being honest. Suppose you coach a network-marketer who reports that she made ten phone calls. However, in three instances she only left messages “there were no conversations with anyone on the other end. Or, suppose you invite a prospect to attend a meeting, and he replies, “That sounds pretty good, I think I’ll be there.” You’re so eager to get a “yes” that you’re not really honest with yourself; you can tell by his tone of voice that he’s not really going to come. In both cases there’s a lack of honesty.

The second way to shy away from accountability is to give general directions with no agreement from the other party. In our own company we want our facilitators to make plane reservations three to four weeks in advance of travel to hold down costs. But even though I may express my desires, if there’s no way for the other party to give feedback about whether they’ve actually followed through with the request, there’s no accountability. Part of holding others accountable is to provide some sort of feedback loop that holds the other person accountable and lets us know they have followed through.

Another way we avoid holding ourselves and others accountable is to hide our head in the sand. An example is a business deal I have with a person involved with one of my books. We agreed he would get a percentage of the Internet income from this book, but I suspect that they may also want a percentage when the book is published in hard copy. Instead of hiding my head in the sand, I need to clarify our terms before the book comes out.

Fear of appearing harsh is another hindrance to accountability. Recently a friend had a young man cut her grass. She was afraid to point out spots he missed for fear of appearing mean or hurting his feelings. But after he left, you can be sure she was judgmental!

Noticing the ways we let others and ourselves off the hook is the first step toward better communication and results with those we’re involved with. In the next newsletter we’ll discuss the next step: The art of giving feedback without being judgmental.

by Brian Klemmer

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Abundance or Scarcity – What Is Your Mindset?

Wednesday, October 8th, 2008

Many people think that their struggle with money stems from the circumstances they’re in. They think that if only they could change their circumstances by making more money, they would save and invest some of that money and be more generous. But the truth is, poverty is a state of mind.

Circumstances come and go, but whether you have a mindset of abundance or scarcity is more critical. In the 1950’s there was a game show titled, The $64,000 Question. Many contestants on this show won a lot of money, but of those who did, only one significantly changed her lifestyle. That was Dr. Joyce Brothers, an unknown at that time. It’s the same for many who win the lottery. I know someone who won seven million dollars in the lottery, but within five years couldn’t make his house payment – and he did not have a fancy house!

Many people say, “If only I had more money, I’d save it.” Or, they don’t have money to invest because “money is tight.” But the question is, are you saving or investing now? If you’re not saving, investing or tithing now because “money is tight,” then you have what we call a scarcity mentality about money.

The opposite is also true. In the 1980’s Donald Trump’s worth was valued in the billions. By 1990, however, he had lost his fortune to debts he couldn’t repay. Many thought there was no way Donald Trump could make a comeback. But although he was broke, Donald Trump never became poor. In spite of his circumstances, he had a mentality of abundance. Today Donald Trump is once again a billionaire, and it is said that he is even richer than before.

How we approach life — whether out of an attitude of abundance or scarcity — generally applies to many areas in our lives. That is the point of chapter 8 in my book, When Good Intentions Run Smack into Reality. There are some who say there are no good men (or women) available, others who insist there are no good prospects for their network marketing business, and others who believe there are no good job opportunities in today’s market.

Take a look at your life. If you’re stuck on a frustrating treadmill, consider how you think. Is it a scarcity mindset that keeps you there? An awareness of how you think is the first step toward changing your thoughts and your life. In the next newsletter we’ll discuss ways to foster an attitude of abundance.

by Brian Klemmer

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The Ultimate Sales Formula

Wednesday, October 8th, 2008

What is your reaction when you hear the word sales? If you’re like many of the people I encounter, you have a negative view of sales. But I think this is a strange attitude to have, because ultimately everybody is in sales. If you’ve ever been on a date, you sold someone on asking you out, or on saying yes to your request. If you’ve ever gotten married, you participated in a big sale! Or, if you’ve ever succeeded in comforting someone who’s feeling bad, then you also participated in a sale.

Sales, from my viewpoint, is one of the most critical skills to learn if we want to be effective as parents, managers, community activists, or leaders in any other role.

If this concept is so important, then why do so many have a negative reaction to it? Sales is often confused with shoving something down somebody’s throat. We all know that this approach seldom works. It causes the person who’s listening to dig in their feet. People also confuse sales with providing information. But that’s not sales, either.

Here is my definition of sales: communicating in such a way that causes an action to be taken. And if you follow this Ultimate Sales Formula, the probability that an action will be taken will increase. The Ultimate Sales Formula consists of three simple concepts that must be followed in a specific order: 1) want, 2) problem and 3) solution. (For more on the Ultimate Sales Formula, see my book, When Good Intentions Run Smack into Reality.)

Even though the first concept in the Ultimate Sales Formula is want, many of us jump straight to “solution.” For example, after someone attends the Personal Mastery seminar, they might say to one of their friends, “You’ve got to go to this Klemmer seminar. It’s great.” But it’s much more effective to first find out what the person you’re talking to wants, or what really matters to them. Do they want a better marriage? Do they desire to make more money? Are they after a promotion at work?

Once you’ve determined what the other person wants, then you can move on to the second concept in the Ultimate Sales Formula: problem. You can ask, “What’s the problem in getting what you want?” This allows the person you’re speaking with to articulate why they feel they can’t achieve their desires. Perhaps they feel as it they can’t have a more fulfilling marriage because their wife smokes. Or they can’t make more money because they get paid by the hour and there are only so many hours in the day. Perhaps the promotion they long for seems impossible because nobody at their office gets promoted unless somebody dies.

It’s at this point that you can offer the solution. You can say, “Hey, if I have a solution for that, are you interested?” Since most people will answer yes, you will then be at a point where you can tell them about your experience at the seminar.

As you explore what a person wants and why they feel as if they can’t achieve it, you will put yourself in position to offer solutions that will be received by those you speak with.

by Stephan Bevan

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Three Keys to Servant Leadership

Wednesday, October 8th, 2008

How do you define leadership? One definition is this: a leader is a person who interferes in the lives of other people causing them to do what they otherwise would not do towards what matters to them. This type of leadership is servant leadership.

Let’s break this definition into parts. The first key to being a servant leader is to interfere. A lot of people don’t interfere in the lives of others because they want to give them space. But once we realize how we’re all connected, as in the two-island connection discussed in chapter 8 of If How-To’s Were Enough We Would All Be Skinny, Rich & Happy, then we understand that as we interfere in the lives of others we’re influencing something far greater, including our own lives.

The second key to servant leadership is finding out what other people want. If I interfere in your life to cause you to do what matters to me, then that’s manipulation. But a servant leader finds out what matters to the other person. Some people don’t really know what they want, while others may be embarrassed to reveal what they desire (for example, a kid who wants a hug). So, how do we find out? One way is by asking questions. Another is by perceptive listening. Skillful listening is necessary because some people may indicate what they want through complaints (i.e. “I don’t have time to do this. I don’t have time to do that.”). The third way to discern what others want is to watch. For example, maybe I wouldn’t verbalize that my office needs to be organized, but you certainly notice that it does. A friendly offer to help organize my office may be enough to discern if this is what I want.

What is the third key to servant leadership? Causing the person we’re involved with to do what they otherwise would not do. Often a person’s belief system keeps them in a place of the status quo. As a leader, my job it to help that person move beyond those belief systems towards what matters to him.

Here’s an example that illustrates these three points. Let’s say a woman wants her husband to lose weight, but he doesn’t want to. If she tries to get him to lose weight – perhaps by denying him sex – then she’s manipulating him. On the other hand if the husband tells his wife that he wants to lose weight, then her objective is to help him do so. There are productive and counterproductive ways for a person to interfere. Nagging is counterproductive. But offering to exercise with him or not buying the chocolate that he loves when she goes grocery shopping are productive ways to help him reach the goal he desires.

As we practice these three keys to servant leadership, our influence in this world can be great. For as John Donne said, “No man is an island, entire of itself. Everyman is a piece of the continent, as part of the main.”

by Brian Klemmer

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The Belief-System Battle

Wednesday, October 8th, 2008

Recently I spoke with a woman who was using affirmations to make changes in her life. She related that several days into this practice she experienced emotional upheavals such as moodiness and depression. Her question to me was this: “When you use affirmations, do you create conflict within yourself, like a rebellion?”

Yes! It’s a strange phenomenon, but it makes sense. Anytime we begin to reshape our lives by using affirmations, trigger devices, and the impeccable eye (for more on these, see our last three newsletters and tape #5 in the series, The Pursuit & Practice of Personal Mastery), we set up the possibility of creating a conflict between our conscious and subconscious minds. Putting ideas into our conscious minds that differ from our subconscious belief systems can cause quite a clash. Our belief systems will fight for their very survival.

We already mentioned mood swings and depression. What are other ways our old belief systems protect themselves? Anything that causes us to back off of our commitments.

Some people get headaches or other physical ailments. They fall asleep at inopportune times. Others suddenly experience relationship or financial problems, or become angry. In our office at Klemmer & Associates, when someone cancels attendance to an upcoming seminar due to this conflict, we call it the seminar flu. One of my co-workers, Steve Hinton, coined this phrase after talking with a woman who suddenly cancelled her attendance, even though she had airplane and hotel reservations booked for an upcoming seminar that was only days away. Her reason? She had to help a friend who was experiencing emotional problems.

Suppose I’m working on losing weight and all of sudden my wife, Roma, and I have relationship problems. Then I might say, “I can’t handle everything at once!” So, my weight goes up. But my goal is to lose weight, so I get back on track. But then I create a financial problem, so I think, “I need to get my finances in order and then I’ll start losing weight again. We need to be aware that the relationship and financial problems are just symptoms. The real problem lies in the subconscious mind that can only see me at 184 pounds, not the intended 171 pounds, so it must fight back. In order to reach my goal of 171 pounds, all the beliefs tied to 184 pounds have got to end. Otherwise my weight will fluctuate.

What is the best way to deal with this rebellion? First, recognize that this battle between the conscious and subconscious minds is part of the process. Then, continue reading and working with the affirmations, trigger devices and the impeccable eye that you began. If you’ve made a commitment to go to a seminar, keep that commitment, too. With time, the subconscious mind will become aligned with the beliefs you desire in your life.

by Brian Klemmer

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The Impeccable Eye

Wednesday, October 8th, 2008

If you visualized the ideal you, how would you look, feel, and behave?

I suggest that you write the details on paper. For instance, how much do you weigh, what is your waist size, what color clothes do you wear? Do you feel confident, joyful, energetic? As a parent, are you patient? As a spouse or partner are you loving and compassionate? Are you a thoughtful communicator? Be specific. Give yourself enough time to list as many characteristics as you can think of. This list may extend over several pages.

When you’re done, you will have what we call the impeccable eye, the ultimate you. The idea behind this exercise is that each of us visualizes 100 percent of the time. Everybody does it; there’s no way around it. And what we visualize is what our lives will be like (to discover what our subconscious sees, all it takes is a look at the reality in our lives). The impeccable eye will give your mind something new to visualize to help you move in the direction you want to go.

After completing your list, make copies and put it in prominent places where you will be sure to see it — on the bathroom mirror, on top of the pile in your briefcase, in front of your kitchen sink. At least once a day, read your impeccable eye to reinforce that picture of the ideal you.

Another thing you can do is print the impeccable eye onto 3 X 5 cards, laminate them and carry them around in your pocket or purse. When you’re standing in line at the bank or supermarket, or when you’re stopped at a stoplight, pull out the cards and read them. Again, each of us visualizes 100 percent of the time. Why not give your subconscious something constructive to move your life in the direction you want to go?

by Brian Klemmer

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Effective Affirmations

Wednesday, October 8th, 2008

A major key to transforming belief systems comes from emotional experiences, which we strive to provide at Klemmer seminars. But another way to change belief systems, as we discussed in our last newsletter, is accomplished through the persistent reading of books and listening to tapes. Affirmations, the daily repetition of a positive belief you want to become true for yourself, is another way to increase personal growth. Like reading books and listening to tapes, one downside is that affirmations don’t carry much emotion. As a result, they take a tremendous amount of repetition – sometimes months and months. Unless a person is aware that this is part of the process, they may become discouraged, give up or lose interest. But affirmations do work (for more on affirmations listen to tape #5 in the series The Pursuit & Practice of Personal Mastery).

Presently, I have several affirmations. One is that I weigh 171 pounds and have a 36-inch waist. When I’m not traveling, I work out on a bike almost every day. While doing so, for five minutes I repeat that I weigh 171 pounds and have a 36-inch waist. For the next five minutes I repeat that I eat healthy and exercise at least four times a week. Over time – and it does take a lot of time – these beliefs become part of my subconscious, and then I begin to see changes.

For instance, I have been able to stay on a powdered drink meal replacement for one of my meals. And then recently, Roma and I visited our neighbors across the street. We were going to watch a video together, but first the man offered me an alcoholic drink. In the past I would have accepted it. He then offered me a biscotti and I passed on that. What gave me the fortitude to stay on the meal-replacement shake and not accept food and drinks that would have made me gain weight? I believe the above-mentioned affirmations helped to clarify and intensify my intent.

Affirmations can be a valuable tool to reshape your belief systems. As you make them a part of your life, just be aware that they require a long-term commitment. Knowing this helps you to have patience and persistence to stay on course until you see the results.

by Brian Klemmer

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