Archive for October, 2008

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Three Disciplines of a Compassionate Samurai

Wednesday, October 8th, 2008

Recently I received an E-mail from a woman who seemed to feel guilty. Several years had passed since she attended Personal Mastery, Advanced Leadership and Heart of the Samurai seminars, and she had just pinned her contract on the wall. It was as if she thought she was stupid for waiting so long to put up her reminder that she is a confident, beautiful, outrageous woman. But putting the contract up where she could see it is what a smart person does, and at least she did it! Being a compassionate samurai is no different than becoming a master musician, master athlete or master businessperson. All take constant practice.

What are some things we can do to practice the art of becoming compassionate samurai?

Study: Take at least 15 minutes a day to read a book that reinforces compassionate-samurai-thinking. Listen to tapes while you drive or do other activities that don’t require the use of your mind. If How-To’s Were Enough We Would All Be Skinny, Rich and Happy! and When Good Intentions Run Smack into Reality, are two books that reiterate concepts from our seminars.

Reading and listening to tapes represent the repetition side of growth. How can you get emotional experiences that produce quicker transformations? Staff PM, Advanced Leadership or Heart of the Samurai seminars. Every six months is ideal but if that’s not possible, do so at least once a year. Many people find that staffing seminars can be more powerful than first time attendance because they’re not on the “hot seat.”

Quiet Time: There are three advantages to slowing down for a quiet time. For those of us who tend to go, go, go, we need to slow down just to get creative time. This is our creative space where we can come up with out-of-the box ideas.

This is also a time when we can truly be with God (or whatever you choose to call God). If you want to get hooked up and partner with an entity greater than yourself, then it’s important to slow down and listen. God doesn’t usually yell at you, but speaks in a soft voice that requires a quiet heart.

Taking quiet time also alters our rhythm. We’re usually more effective when we operate in more than one mode. If we’re constantly on the go, then we’re not very effective. By the same token, if we’re always slow, we’re not as effective, either. It helps to vary our rhythm.

Cultivate relationships: Relationships take time and unless you discipline yourself, these tend to fade away. Maintaining relationships with likeminded people — whether it’s other parents, compassionate samurai, or businesspeople – can’t be emphasized enough. We become like the people we spend time with.

Practice these three disciplines of study, quiet time and cultivating relationships and you will become the compassionate samurai you desire to be.

by Brian Klemmer

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Getting Back in Balance

Wednesday, October 8th, 2008

Wherever I go, it seems as if people want balance in their lives. They’re working hard and find it difficult to juggle all the different areas of their lives. In my book If How-To’s Were Enough We Would All Be Skinny, Rich and Happy! (pages 76-84), I discuss the need to develop the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual parts of our lives equally. Let’s expand on these thoughts.

When we’re in balance, we have greater power and peace of mind. The first time I rated these four aspects of my life, I was very strong on the mental and physical sides, but my spiritual and emotional development was weak. I found that even though I put a lot of energy into expanding my mental side, I received very little return for my efforts. Once I began to develop my spiritual and relationship sides, however, I noticed that the same amount of mental effort now produced extraordinary results! A person can be very developed mentally and have a great career, but if he or she doesn’t develop spiritually and emotionally, and has unsuccessful relationships, then I believe their career will suffer.

Many people believe balance is static. They look at their calendars and think that if they devote the same amount of time to their mental, emotional, physical and spiritual sides, then they will be in balance. But I think we’re talking about a more dynamic process here. So, how do we obtain balance? As I see it, there are two ways.

One is to make a massive effort. A friend of mine, Alan Nagao, got out of balance while building a multi-million-dollar business and his relationship with his dad suffered. So, Alan took six months off work to build a house with his dad and in the process, rebuilt his relationship with his dad. Building the house swung the pendulum way over to the other side and then Alan had to go back to work because his company had suffered a decline during this six-month break.

This reminds me of the inflatable man that used to be on display in Hallmark gift stores. The inflatable man stood on a pedestal with a ball in each hand. If you pushed him, he rocked back and forth, but never fell off the pedestal. He swung way past the middle point, then back past the middle point in the opposite direction, and so on until he arrived at the middle again. Getting back in balance can look this way in our lives.

Balance can also be achieved by taking one bite at a time. An example is physical exercise. If you’re not working out at all, you might begin by taking little steps. You build on that by doing more and more, until you’re back in shape.

How do we begin to get our lives into balance? First, rate yourself as suggested in my book. Next ask, what commitment will I make to move back into balance? Then act on this commitment. Awareness is one side of the “balance coin.” Action is the other.

Once we’re back in balance, how do we maintain it? When we drive a car, we move the steering wheel a thousand times. Each tiny correction keeps us on course. None of us is ever going to have an ideal life where every day is balanced, but if we constantly “correct” in the direction toward a balanced life, we will then experience the power and peace of mind that comes from equally developed mental, physical, spiritual and emotional aspects of our lives.

by Brian Klemmer

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Two Facets of Leadership

Wednesday, October 8th, 2008

There are two very different facets of leadership: doing the right thing and doing things right.

What is the right thing? A right thing is something that is in alignment with a person’s purpose. One of the things we focus on in the Heart of the Samurai Seminar is helping individuals determine their purpose. The difference between having a significant life and a successful life is knowing what your purpose is and how it fits into the greater scope of the world. Moreover, it’s important to be clear about your purpose for the day. For example, if you receive a phone call it may be a nice call to take, but it may not be the right thing because it doesn’t fit in with your purpose for that day. A lot of things can be good. But good things are not always the right things.

Doing things right, on the other hand, means doing what fits in with the fundamental principles that you have decided to live your life by, such as the principles committed to in the Advanced Leadership Seminar. If a decision or activity you have before you doesn’t align with those, then it’s not the right way.

There’s a quaint story about Lincoln that involves doing the right thing and doing things right. During the Civil War, the Confederates were banging at the door of Washington DC. At the same time, Colonel Scott, the senior officer in charge of defending Washington, was informed that his wife had died. Scott asked his commanding officer if he could leave to be with his family for the funeral, but the officer declined his request because of the Confederate attack. Colonel Scott took his case all the way up the chain of command to the secretary of war, a man named Stanton. Even Stanton declined to let Scott go. Desperate, Colonel Scott approached the president, Abraham Lincoln. President Lincoln blew up. Couldn’t Scott see that he, Lincoln, had bigger decisions to make than this? Why didn’t Scott listen to his chain of command? But the next day Lincoln sought out Colonel Scott, apologized, and gave him permission to visit his family.

There are differing viewpoints about how Lincoln should have handled this situation. One is that Lincoln did the right thing, but he did it the wrong way. And the second day, he did the wrong thing because of his guilt, but did it the right way. What do you think? How do you know what is right and what the right way is?

Not only do you need to be clear about what your life purpose is, but you also need to know what your purpose is for tomorrow, for this week, for the year. And you need to be very clear about the principles that you want to live by so that when the need arises, you will be able to make right decisions based on those principles. To learn more about Leadership read Chapter 10 of “When Good Intentions Run Smack Into Reality.”

by Brian Klemmer

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Three Ways of Listening: Agree/Disagree

Wednesday, October 8th, 2008

In our last newsletter we talked about one of three ways of listening, “being with.” What are the other two ways of listening?

One is to agree with whatever’s being said, and the other is to disagree. We often listen from a standpoint of whether we’re going to agree with what’s being said, or whether we’re going to disagree. This is listening with a filter. It prevents us from being present — or “being with” — the person we’re talking to.

Here’s an example. When one of our multi-level clients talks to someone about a business opportunity, one response might be, “Oh, multi-level. That’s a pyramid scheme.” Because they’ve heard something about multi-level marketing before, the client is being present to agree/disagree, not present with the person speaking with them. Or, the response could be positive. “Oh, network marketing, I’ve heard about that.” In this case the client is listening from an agree standpoint, but they still have a filter up. They’re not being present to the person right in front of them.

We teach the three ways to listen at the beginning of Personal Mastery for a reason. Most people show up at the seminar with a mindset, “What you’re saying doesn’t fit with what I say, so I disagree.” Or, “What you’re saying does fit with what I say, so I agree.” Because the focus is on agreeing or disagreeing, all they can possibly end up with is what they already know. There’s no chance to discover anything new. Since to think is to create, and the person’s thinking hasn’t changed, they haven’t discovered anything new. They can’t grow. They’re stuck.

What’s at work here is subconscious thinking. It makes ninety-nine percent of our decisions for us. But, unless we’re aware of our subconscious thinking, we’ll be unaware of why we make the decisions we do. It’s like driving down the road of life blind. How can we have revelations about our subconscious thinking so that we can get unstuck?
- Practice being with. Keep your mental, emotional, spiritual and physical natures present.
- Notice what you’re experiencing in terms of your feelings and behavior.
- Ask, what thinking is causing that feeling or behavior? When I went through West Point, I had the perception that I was very honest. If you lie, cheat or steal, they throw you out. Later, in an exercise set up by my mentor, Tom, I had to reveal to a group of people what really mattered to me and what I wanted to improve on. I said that I wanted to be more organized. In the greater scope of my life, that was not what really mattered to me! What I really wanted was a wildly romantic, long-lasting relationship. But I was afraid to tell people that, because I was afraid of what they might think. Well, to think is to create. I examined the thinking that generated my behavior and noticed two things. One, my behavior was run by what other people thought of me, and two, I was not honest about revealing everything there was to reveal. As I related that to relationships, I saw why I lacked the intimacy I really wanted and why I didn’t have a wildly romantic, long-lasting relationship. I was honest — I didn’t lie — but I found it very difficult to let the walls down and be open with my feelings. Once I saw that, I was able to make a shift and grow from there.

For more thoughts on agree/disagree, see Lesson #4 of my book, When Good Intentions Run Smack into Reality. Using these tools will give you revelations about your subconscious thinking. You will get “unstuck” and experience new growth in your life.

by Brian Klemmer

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Three Ways of Listening: Being With

Wednesday, October 8th, 2008

Would you like to be more efficient, more effective, more intimate? Then join us in learning the art of “being with.”

Being with is a way of listening to people. It’s listening to others without any filters up. One filter compares whatever is said to your own personal experience. Another filter is listening with an agenda in mind, wondering what you’re going to get out of the conversation. There’s also the “right/wrong” filter where we constantly assess “I’m right/they’re right,” or “I’m right/they’re wrong,” etc. When you practice being with, you are present without any filters between you and the other person.

You’re also present as a whole person. Every person is made up of a mind, body, feelings, and spiritual nature. When you’re being with, all four of these are present in the moment.

To help in understanding “being with,” let’s look at some examples of what it looks like when we’re not being with. Suppose I’m golfing. I’m looking at the ball in front of me, but thinking about the last ball that hooked or sliced. I’m not really being with the ball in front of me. Or suppose I think, Oh gosh, I should be at home with my wife and kids. Then I’m not being with the ball, either. Not being with my golf game ruins my efficiency and effectiveness.

Intimacy is effectiveness in the realm of personal or business relationships. Suppose I am embarrassed at a management meeting at work. When I come home from work, my body may be home, but my emotions are still with the management meeting. Or, if I didn’t complete my work, I may be physically with my family, but my mind is still at the office. You can see how intimacy in relationships can suffer when we don’t practice being with!

How can you practice being with? One way is simply to be conscious of it. Decide that you’re going to be totally present. Quiet all the noise in your mind and cut out all distractions. When you’re being with, you’re very aware of what’s going on with the other person. Recently I had a phone conference scheduled for 9:00 a.m., but was running late. I knew I would get to the office just at 9:00 and then there would be various details in the office to take care of. The last-minute rush and distractions in the office would keep me from being with the person on the other end of the line. So, I asked if we could begin ten minutes later. That gave me the opportunity to come to a place of ground and center, a concept taught in the Advanced Leadership Seminar. I could ask myself, “What’s my purpose?” I could quiet my mind and cut out all distractions.

Another way of being with is to ask, “Hey, do you really feel me being present with you, or do you feel like my mind is somewhere else?” Most people know whether you’re being with them or not; they can feel it. Perhaps you’ve listened to a salesperson intent on sticking with their script and closing the deal, rather than being with you. Even though you may not be aware of what’s happening, most likely you will not buy the product or participate in the business opportunity.

Practice the art of being with and watch your levels of efficiency, effectiveness, and intimacy increase. For more on this read Chapter 4 of “When Good Intentions Run Smack Into Reality.”

by Brian Klemmer

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Anger and the 3 R’s

Wednesday, October 8th, 2008

There is a warning signal in our lives that can be a clue to tell us when we’re stuck in the 3 R’s — resentment, resistance, and revenge. That warning signal is anger. Let’s discuss why it is important to be aware of this emotion in our lives.

On page 38 of If How-To’s Were Enough, We’d All Be Skinny, Rich and Happy! there is a quote: “Anger is man or woman’s last desperate attempt to avoid responsibility and blame the situation on someone or something else.” An example of this took place in a seminar once when a man angrily informed us that we didn’t do the seminar the way that it should be done. By making us wrong and blaming us, he didn’t have to accept any personal responsibility for making the class a success. In his viewpoint, the success or failure of the class was our responsibility, not his, and that took him off the hook. Instead, he could have asked, “How can I have a meaningful impact on the other students in the class?” or “What can I do to have a positive influence here?” If this man had considered his own responsibility, how might he have affected the seminar? How might he have opened up opportunities to experience growth in his own life? The 3 R’s clearly kept this viewpoint hidden from him. His resistance to taking on the responsibility for his own learning, as well as the learning of the other students in the class kept him from doing just that — learning.

Along the same lines, there are people who say they can’t afford additional seminars and become quite angry with the facilitator who talks to them about attending a future seminar. “You’re pressuring me!” they exclaim angrily. I’ve come to see from my own experience that you usually don’t feel pressure unless you really want to do something. Suppose there’s a two o’clock bus that you want to take, but it’s five minutes until two and you’re fifteen minutes away from the bus stop. Are you going to feel pressure? Yes, because you want to be on that bus! But suppose, on the other hand, that you have no interest in the two o’clock bus because you’re going to take the train. In this case, you won’t feel pressure.

As you can see, pressure is an internally-generated emotion. We feel pressure when we want to do something, but don’t see a way of doing it. Unfortunately, most people blame the pressure on circumstances or someone else, and the result is anger. In the example of the seminar attendees, they blame the facilitator because it gets them off the hook from solving their problem. Instead of figuring out a way to afford the seminar, they make the facilitator wrong for pressuring them, and as a result, don’t have to do anything.

So, be aware of anger. It can be a warning to tell you that you’re in the 3 R’s. When you see anger for what it is and take responsibility for yourself, you can open up creative solutions for the problems you face. This is a key to great power in your life.

by Brian Klemmer

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Helping Others to Clarify Their Intention

Wednesday, October 8th, 2008

If someone’s intention doesn’t match yours then you don’t want to be doing business with them. Why? Mismatched intentions result in conflict. When the smallest obstacle arises, problems will occur, hindering performance. You can either find someone whose intention matches yours, or you can support someone in clarifying their intention.

Let me give you an example. I once did a seminar and said to the participants, “Honestly rate your commitment to creating value today. A ten is a total commitment. Nine is pretty committed, but you are leaving a back door open just in case something big happens. A five is average commitment; you will swing either way depending on me, your feelings, etc. A rating of three or four means you are resistant to creating value. A rating of one would mean you are totally committed to not creating value, even if I walk on water.”

At the end of the day one man came up to me and said he got a lot out of the rating exercise. He went on to say that he realized he rated his commitment level at three because he felt he was forced to attend the seminar by his boss. He admitted that he gave himself a three just because he was being confrontational. But then he said to himself that he was a productive person and hated to waste time, so he simply made the decision to give himself a higher rating and that created more value for the day. I assisted him in clarifying his current intent and supported him in raising it. This is the job of any boss, owner, manager, supervisor, salesperson or head of household.

In essence, the gentleman was in a state I call compliance. Compliance is a mind set of having to do something. Basically, your intention is just to complete the task. Commitment is where you choose to do something. Your intention is to produce a result. The experience of someone in a state of compliance is fatigue, apathy or resentment. The experience someone in a state of commitment is results, excitment and high energy. Compliance occurs with students attending school, those attending meetings and employees going to work — in general those who are following policies and going after goals handed down by those in authority over them.

You can move yourself and others from a state of compliance to one of commitment toward an activity by emphasizing choice and benefits. That is essentially what I did with the seminar participant. Although I did not get him to see his choice in attending the seminar, I did get him to visualize his choice in his experience.

For more on this subject read chapter two of If How To’s Were Enough, We Would All Be Skinny Rich and Happy.

by Brian Klemmer

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The Formula of Champions: Intention + Mechanism = Result

Wednesday, October 8th, 2008

Often, people who have been exposed to the concept of intention confuse it with will power. Intention is not will power. Will power comes from the conscious mind, or head. (See chapter 2 of If How To’s Were Enough We Would All Be Skinny Rich and Happy).

Whenever there is a conflict between the subconscious, the heart, and the head, the subconscious will always win. If you say an affirmation with the conscious mind such as, “I am a millionaire,” but your subconscious is saying “Money is scarce,” the results in your life will prove what your subconscious believes.

The Titanic was not sunk by the tip of an iceberg, but by what lurked beneath the surface and could not be seen. When your third level, second level and first level (for an explanation of all three levels see chapter 5 of If How To’s Were Enough We Would All Be Skinny Rich and Happy) are all saying the same thing, you are lined up and have “intention” as well as integrity. You become like a magnet. Opportunities and the right people are drawn to you, and you are hooked into a force that is beyond reason and logic. This incredible force rolls over any obstacle and, seemingly out of the blue, you are provided a mechanism for achieving results with very little effort.

Part of tapping into intention is having “clarity.” One exercise in our Advanced Leadership Seminar is a licensed game called The Samurai Game. It is a fantastic experience for learning about intention, discipline, commitment, focus, loyalty, and boldness. When I first attended the game with it’s inventor, George Leonard, he described it to me before we actually played it the following day. During the explanation, he said one of the roles in the game would be the Daimio, a leader somewhat like a king. He didn’t say how the Daimio would be selected, but it became very clear to me that regardless of the process of selection, I would be the Daimio. The next day during the selection process I did become the Daimio, and I saw clearly how intention was not will power. I also saw how clarity is a factor in the reality of my life.

As you plan for the New Year, the day, a meeting or a sales call, always take the time to clarify your intention. Doing so will change the results in your life.

by Brian Klemmer

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Set Your Intentions High

Wednesday, October 8th, 2008

What is a goal you will be working on in the New Year? If you do not achieve that goal, how will you feel? Will you be sad, disappointed, or will you have that “Oh well, I tried” feeling? In terms of intention, you must set your intention for that goal so high, that not reaching that goal is not an option. (See chapter 2 of “If How-To’s Were Enough, We Would All Be Skinny, Rich, and Happy“.)

You can have conflicting commitments, but the bigger one always wins. For example, you may want to lose weight, but not want to be disciplined. You may want to grow your business, but not really want to take risks — i.e. be uncomfortable. Several options to raise your level of intent for what you want are 1) making commitments, 2) putting yourself at risk, and 3) visualization.

Let’s go back to your goal for the New Year as we consider making commitments. Who have you told you would absolutely get it done? If you haven’t told anyone, then the odds are you want it, but it isn’t your intent. If you have children, try making a commitment to them regarding what you will get done in two weeks. Now ask them what they want when you get it done in two weeks. Be sure to negotiate if they ask for something unreasonable! Explain to them that the family is a team and that everyone has different roles. Part of your role is to produce and part of their role is to be supportive of you. If you’re like most parents, you would rather do many uncomfortable things than face your children at the end of two weeks and say, “You don’t get what I promised, because I didn’t get done what I said I would do.” By committing to your children, you have raised and clarified your intent.

As an employee, you could make a commitment to your boss about what you will get done this week. If you are the boss, you could make a commitment to your employees about what you will get done this week or this month.

Many people won’t commit because they are more concerned with looking good than they are with producing. Never sacrifice the power you gain by committing in order to look good by never breaking your word. It’s a poor man’s trade.

Article authored by Brian Klemmer

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The Power of Possibility

Wednesday, October 8th, 2008

Living from probability takes place when you look at what you are capable of and what you have done in the past. From this perspective, you calculate whether you think you can do something and whether you can get incremental, or minute, increases for your life.

Living from possibility, on the other hand, is the experience of knowing that you can create incredible results or miracles in your life that have no relationship to what you’ve done before. When you live from possibility, your future is not tied to the mathematics of your previous experiences and how feasible it is to create something.

Everyone has lived from possibility when they created something from nothing whether it was learning to ride a bike, falling in love, or writing a first book. In the case of writing a book, something inside said, “That’s possible,” when everyone around was saying, “I think you ought to get a nine-to-five job.” There’s an energy in possibility that’s not evident in probability.

How do you nurture possibility in your life? Take small steps toward your dreams all the time. Get outside of what you normally would do and be willing to be uncomfortable in new experiences. Be committed to and consistent with it; keep after it. Seeing progress from the steps you take — coupled with believing — creates results. In this sense, there’s also a lot of surrender in possibility. This means doing the footwork you need to do, and then turning the rest over to God. You’re not quite sure how it’s going to happen, but that’s not necessary. You only need to believe that it is going to happen.

Another way to nurture possibility is to hang around with people who understand this way of life. If you’re around people who inhabit the smaller, more calculated world of probability, it’s possible to lose your vision or become discouraged.

If you want your everyday experience to be, “WOW, this is really possible!” then practice the art of living from possibility. It’s a huge, amazing space that creates an exciting and fulfilling life.

Interview with Patrick Dean

Click here to find out more about Living from Possibility.

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